We can't survive twenty-four hours without relationships. Your food, shelter, phone—other people made it all happen.
Community is our evolutionary superpower. While other species got claws or speed, we got interdependence.
But most of us struggle with designing relationships well.
We find a handful of people and expect them to meet every need. Emotional support, intellectual stimulation, romance, practical help, entertainment, career advice.
Your partner becomes therapist, best friend, and entertainment committee. Your best friend becomes career counsellor, emotional support person, and social coordinator.
Relationship bottlenecks. Breakdowns waiting to happen.
Different people are naturally good at different things. Your workout buddy doesn't need to understand your existential crises. Your intellectual sparring partner doesn't need to navigate your family drama.
This isn't using people. It's appreciating what each relationship actually offers.
Think of it as distributed computing for human connection. Spread the workload.
When you stop asking relationships to be everything, they become more of what they actually are.
Your workout partner becomes better when they're not also managing your emotional needs. Your romantic relationship grows stronger when it's not your entire social world.
Specificity creates depth. Boundaries create intimacy.
We think relationships are about finding the right people. Actually, it's about becoming someone who can sustain different types of connection.
Some people energise you, others calm you. Some challenge you, others accept you. The goal isn't finding one person who does everything—it's weaving together enough connections to support being human.
We're trying to outsource being complete to other incomplete humans.
But no one can complete you. Connection is the point, not completion. The ongoing dance of meeting and being met.
Stop asking relationships to solve being human. Ask them to enhance being human.
We can't be all things to all people. We can be the right things to the right people. By needing each person less, you enjoy them more.
Sept. 20, 2025, 11:02 a.m.
Written bY CYril 